Page 3: Speedy's scoring thirteen times, assuming a simple six point touchdown each time, would result in 78 points, one touchdown's worth over the 72 points of the Laffmaster's opponents.It's the Hip Fab Fun cover. The four stars, top to bottom, are occupied by the Tasmanian Devil, Wile E. Coyote, Bugs Bunny, and Porky Pig.
Daffy Duck has been tackled and the other team piles on him. Meanwhile Speedy Gonzales zips away and spikes the ball, saying "Poor Señor Daffy! He was a tight end, now he is a flat end!"
It's not looking good for the Looney Tunes Laffmasters who are behind 72 to 0 in the football game. When quarterback Daffy tries to through apss, he gets clobbered. Cheerleader Bugs reminds the duck that football is a team sport, but Daffy insights that he, and he alone, is the star. A series of stranger and ever more desperate plays are tried, but every time all that happens is the clobbering of the duck. Finally Daffy is too dazed to play and is replaced by Speedy Gonzales. The mouse's amazing speed allows him to score thirteen times in only three seconds, winning the game.
Page 3: Speedy's scoring thirteen times, assuming a simple six point touchdown each time, would result in 78 points, one touchdown's worth over the 72 points of the Laffmaster's opponents.
While Bugs being on the sidelines as a cheerleader is a bit of a stretch, it's not outside the realm of possibility. The same is perhaps true for Pepe Le Pew. However, the idea of Yosemite Sam wearing a skirt and cheering the Looney Tunes on without complaint is just not believable. Page 3: Either quite a bit is omitted, or the rules have gone out the window in this story. After each touchdown the clock is stopped and when the clock resumes, the balls is kicked towards the opposing team and must be recovered in order to score again. In 2003, a player returned an onside kick in three seconds, which was the fastest score to start a game in the NFL since they started using a scoreboard clock in 1970. Even Speedy Gonzales would have trouble scoring thirteen times in only three seconds. (EC) The credits for this story were not printed.As they stroll through the woods, Bugs and Daffy have a disagreement. Daffy feels insulted that Bugs says he could stand some improvement as he has some less than desirable traits. Things seem about to get more heated when Taz shows up. Daffy hides behind Bugs, and Bugs bamboozles Taz with a combination of logic and fast talk.
Bugs and Daffy start walking again, with Daffy impressed. Bugs figures if the situation were reverse, Daffy would do the same. It seems that the duck might not. Taz shows up again just in time for Daffy to try to prove himself trustworthy. The duck instead proved that he cannot be trusted, pointing out where Bugs is hiding.
Bugs tells Taz he isn't suitable for eating, but that Daffy would be a good meal. Daffy then informs Taz of the opposite. The two exchange insults though Taz, confusing him as the insults get harder to pronounce. The Tasmanian Devil gives up on both, deciding to eat a tree instead since it won't argue with him. Bugs and Daffy finally resume their walk, with Daffy suggesting a game of cards. Bugs agrees, so long as Daffy doesn't cheat.
Page 9: Bugs uses Daffy's own line, "You're despicable!" on the duck. To appreciate just how much mental strain Taz was put through to eat a tree, see the last story in this issue.Loyal Acme customer Wile E. Coyote has been awarded membership in the "Gadget of the Month Club" and the first gadget is a mini-bomber. All he has to do it sight a target in a special telescope, press a button on the mini-bomber to launch it, and wait for the results. Wile E. manages to sight a target, but stumbles after pressing the button. When he knocks over the telescope, it locks on him as the new target and the coyote doesn't realize this until too late.
A smoldering Wile E. notices the satisfaction guarantee and calls the complaint number. After navigating through the strange automated call handling system, he put on hold. Seasons pass as the coyote waits. Finally there is a voice on the line and Wile E. is told to leave his message after a click. There is click, but then there is just dial tone as the call has been hung up.
Eventually Wile E. makes his way to an Acme outpost which turns out to be a teleport. The teleport works in typical Acme fashion, mixing up the coyote's limbs. Fortunately there is a reset option to remedy such mishaps. At the complaint department, Wile E. discovers he is not at all alone. There are many other coyotes ahead of him. Hoping to avoid a long wait, he tries the special complaint drop box only to find out that drop is meant very literally.
Returning to the complaint department, Wile E. takes a number and a seat. Seeing a coyote wrapped like a mummy and holding a plan in hieroglyphics is disheartening. Wile E.'s gets hopeful when he sees the number being called matches his ticket, at least until he unrolls his ticket and sees what his ticket number really is. After a very long wait, his complaint is denied. He shows the guarantee in protest and is informed that he will have to meet with the board of directors. Wile E. strides into a conference room only to find the all the directors are road runners - and they're quite satisfied.
Weiss did well in coming up with ways for the story to proceed while keeping Wile E. from having to speak, though the attempt to leave a message on page 17 is a bit of a stretch. Page 16: That phone number is too short. Then again, it wouldn't cause some company problems if anyone did try calling it.Taz zips through a grocery store, loading a cart as Bugs, Daffy, and Porky wait in the check out line. They're taken aback when they see Taz has filled a cart with nothing but junk food. Despite Taz's protests, they don't purchase what he brought to the check out. Instead, they plan to start him on a healthier diet.
At Taz's home they encounter Mrs. Taz who doesn't like the diet idea either. When one of the consequences of not changing his diet is mentioned, she changes her mind and insists he eat better. Surprisingly, Taz won't eat just anything, especially not vegetables. Mrs. Taz, Bugs, Daffy, and Porky each fail in turn to get him to eat a vegetable. Even ganging up on him fails to produce the desired result.
Bugs wonders if perhaps Tasmanian Devils should have junk food. Daffy is taken aback by the thought, but Bugs has a different kind of junk in mind. The next day finds Taz happily munching on all the unwanted junk and scrap material that folks bring him. Taz gets fed and the neighborhood is being kept clean.
Page 25: Some of Taz's grocery selections are: Choco-blubber cereal, Ton-sugar cookies, Yummy Fatso Bars, as well as candies and, curiously, gum. Page 26: The coated tongue gag, a version of which appeared in Hot Cross Bunny (McKimson, 1948), is done well and with a new twist. The cashier's hair is yellowish on page 24, but orange on page 25.Page 31: Many of the cans shown have flip-top lids. Such beverage cans are now made of aluminum rather than steel, so the line about plenty of iron doesn't work as well as it could.* Issue Index * Tabular Issue Index * Story Index * Creative People * Disclaimer *
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Last update 27 July 2004